Sabtu, 17 Maret 2012

Entah Cerpen Atau Bukan

"Heyho...Nama gw Juni...Nama lo siapa ?
"
"Nama gue Uzay Zulkifli"
"Hah...Ujay ?"
"UZAY !"
"UJAY !"
"Iya deh, terserah apa lo mau manggil"
"Muehehe, Btw asli Jogja atau Rantau ?"
"Rantau, aslinya bogor"
"Apanya tales bogor ?"
"Bapaknya!, gue kencan ama emaknya yg janda 2 bulan.Trus gw kebablasan lupa bawa k*nd*m PUAS !! Errr... "
"Hhaha, becanda lho .Woles aja"


Gw dan Ujay emang udah temenan sejak awal pendaftaran SMA , waktu itu gw temuin ujay lagi ngorek ngorek tempat sampah nunggu loket pendaftaran buka dan akhirnya gw ajak kenalan dan ngobrol. Ujay seupilorang bocah rantau asal Bogor, kota pempek itu. Katanya sih dia disini ikut kakek neneknya, Katanya lagi dia milih sekolah disini karena pengen cari suasana baru dikota pelajar ini.


Awalnya sih gw cuma sok akrab ama si Ujay , karna gw liat dia berpeluang jadi tambang emas bagi gw (Tukang Traktir:red) #AkuCintaGratisan
Tapi itu semua niat awal gw udah gw ilangin, karna dia orangnya baik banget. Pernah waktu itu, pas diperut gw lagi ada gembel demo minta makan dan gw cari pinjaman ke mana mana gak ada yg ngasih,tiba tiba dia dateng bak "malaikat pemberi sabun kenikmatan duniawi" lalu ngasih pinjem gw duit. Dan pernah juga pas gw lagi pusing mikir jawaban ulangan matematika yg soalnya demi celana dalem nenek gayung, itu soal susah lahir batin. Itu entah karna gw gak belajar malemnya ato apa.Seinget gw malemnya gw nonton pilem naga nagaan berantem ama kodok raksasa, sumpah itu random banget.Gw usaha nendang bangku sana sini biar dapet contekan, tapi semuanya pada diem kaya tugu monas. Ngomong ngomong soal tugu monas, besok pada mau nonton bareng Anas digantung disana nggak ? #eh #abaikan . Bahkan gw sampe lemparin batako penghapus tapi mereka tetep diem aja, Kampret memang. Tapi gak disangka sangka sahabat gw yg satu itu tiba tiba nglemparin sobekan yg isinya jawaban ulangan itu. Iya..dia sahabat gw bukan pacar gw. Dia cowok, punya burung ama biji , sumpah demi kentongan pos ronda gw masih suka belah duren #apaini


Tapi suatu hari dia dateng ke gw dengan wajah seneng banget. Gw gak tau dia dapet arisan dimana, ato jangan jangan dia dapet kancutnya aura kasih.Bukan...! Usut punya usut dia naksir ama seseorang.Iya..Dia curhat ama gw kalo dia naksir seseorang bukan ama sebuah sabun lagi.Dia naksir anak kelas lain, seangkatan tapi beda kelas. Nama lengkapnya Ayuardi Wijayandanu, anaknya Lurah setempat yg kata dia cantik naudzubillah.Katanya dia mulai suka waktu dia liat si Ayu lagi maen judi basket di lapangan sekolah. Kata dia (lagi) saat ngeliat ayu olahraga dia orgasme merasa melihat sosok bidadari yg cantik lahir batin. Emang sih Ayu ini cantik, tapi entah kenapa gw gak tertarik. Nah ceritanya waktu itu ujay lagi buru buru ke kantin, tapi begitu dia lewat lapangan dia berhenti. Nggak...Ceritanya nggak kaya disinetron saat Ujay kena bola, Ayu minta maaf, Kenalan trus mereka jadian.Bukan Gitu!!! Si ujay melongo liat si Ayu main basket, Gak lama bel bunyi.
Ujay cuma bisa melongo dan gigit jari

Dia balik ke kelas, gak jadi kekantin dan langsung curhat ke gw. Udah cuman sesimpel itu gak ada yg spesial


"Jhon, bantu gue dong"
"Bantu apa? Plis jangan bilang, lo gak punya duit dan minta gw bayar utang ?"
"Enggak, woles aja deh. Gue mau minta bantuan soal Cewek"
"Hah..? CEWEK! ! ?"


*pura pura mati*


"Iya..Gue jatuh cinta ama anaknya Pak Lurah nih"
"Ayu ?"
"Iya..Ayu,Siapa lagi! Ayuardi Wijayandanu. Bantuin ya"

Gw bengong sambil ngelus dada aurakasih denger itu, karena gw sendiri sejak 1945 masih bertahan sendiri.Iya..JOMBLO !! SALAH GUE GITU?SALAH ORANG TUA GUE? #inilabil #abaikan
Tapi emang sih, dalam segi cinta, entah kenapa gw bakat kasih wejangan. Entah itu buat yg mau putus ato yg lagi ditaksir om om najis.

"Oke, gw bantu. Tapi bantu apa? "
"Bantu, mintain nomernya dia"
"Lah...Kok gw ? Kan yg naksir elo"
"Gue malu nih, bisa mimisan kalo gw yg minta. Bantuin ya?"
"Iya...Iya gw bantu. Tapi pulsa 5rb ya? "
"Beuh..Elo ama temen matre banget, Iya deh ntar. Kalo udah dapet nomernya.

 
Beberapa hari kemudian gw datengin si Ujay yg lagi ngantin di kantin.

"Noh, nomernya jay!"
"Hah.."

*ujay keselek mendoan*

"Iyo..Iki nomere Cuk"
"Ngahaha..Beneran iki"
Ujay mulai ketularan ngomong jawa.
"Tenan, Pulsane endi? "
"Ntar, gue sms dulu. Gak yakin ini nomernya, sape tau ini nomernya tukang sedot WC yg ditempelin di tiang tiang listrik"


Beberapa hari kemudiannya...Lagi...


Ujay datang dengan wajah berseri seri kaya orang abis menangin stok sabun setahun.Dengan wajah ileran kepo, gw tanyain dia.

"Kenopo jay?"
"Aku seneng cuk, ternyata si Ayu lagi jomblo"
"Terus"
"Kira kira kapan gue harus nembak dia ya?"
"Hah..Nembak ? Gak kecepeten tuh?"
"Emang kecepeten ya? Gue takut dia keburu punya pacar cuk !"
"Iya, gw tau. Tapi woles dong. Jangan keburu buru. Ntar dia malah jadi gak nyaman ama elo"
"Terus?"
"Elo,pedekate dulu aja. Buat dia nyaman ama elo. Ntar kalo udah nyaman pasti dia gak bakal pergi kok. Cewek itu ibarat burung men. Kalo dia udah nyaman disuatu tempat, dia bakal bersarang disitu dan idup disitu"
"Thanks cuk ! Sarannya"


1 hari...2 hari...3 hari...4 hari...5 hari...30 hari...2 bulan...3 bulan...


Ujay datengin gw sambil gandengan ama Ayu yang notabene anaknya pak Lurah itu.


"Matur nuwun loh, Jhon. Berkat elo kita udah jadian"
"Hah...Selamat ya"
"Ayu..Kenalin ini Juni tapi biasa dipanggil Jhoni"
*Ayu ngulurin tangan* *salaman*
"Udah dulu ya, kita ada jadwal ke bioskop nih"
"Iya, silahkan"
"Jangan abisin sabun terus ya, cari pacar gih cuk !"
"...."


Ilustrasi


Ujay dan Ayu pun pergi berlalu, meninggalkan gw disini nangis kelojotan sambil ngemil sampah karna saran gw membuahkan hasil dan temen gw dapet pacar. Sementara gw disini cuma berteman ama Wipol+Sabun T_T




Cerita ini didedikasikan untuk "Fauzi Ujay" dan "Ayuardi Wijayandanu" #uhuk #kode #kapanjadian #pulsa5rb #hestekpanjangbgt #biarin #uwesah


Sumber Gambar: Google

25 komentar:

  1. Ekspresi apa ya yang gw harus pasang disini -__-..
    So, thanks udah di bikinin.. tapi kenapa nama gw jadi ada Zulkifly nya..
    kampreet...

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. hahaha selamat yak cihuy yg terbebas dari kefakiran asmara -_-

      Hapus
  2. Jangan laporkan saya ke kak seto...jangan...

    BalasHapus
  3. Wahhh ujay jadian sama ayu selamat ya....

    #pukpukJhoni

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Iya, selamat ya :-)
      *puk puk diri sendiri*

      Hapus
  4. Woooo udah jadian ternyata. Selamat jadian yaaa bang Ujay dan teteh Ayu.
    Kopdar kudu traktiran :3

    BalasHapus
  5. Ealah jun, kenapa banyak banget jokes yg "blue" gitu? Kampret dah hahaha kasian kamu yaah, nge-bully diri sendiri hahaha :p

    BalasHapus
  6. Jangan adu kan aku kak seto...Jangan...

    BalasHapus
  7. cie cie ka uzay sama ka ayu *ehem

    heran stok sabun itu buat ngapain -_-"

    BalasHapus
  8. muka gue jadi gini > (-____-) waktu baca "jangan abisin sabun terus cuk, cari pacar" kekekek

    BalasHapus
  9. udh baca sih waktu itu, tapi baru smpet komen di sini.
    juni juni
    kamu ini bikin gosip mulu ya.

    ehh tapi lebih bagus klo uzay di ganti namanya jadi JUNI dan ayu jadi ZIHNY
    itu nama yang paling cocok buat cerpen di atas.
    gmn???
    bagus kan namanya

    BalasHapus
  10. Umm, bagusan Ujay dan Ayu. Huwooo~

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. sudah lah juni. akui saja nama juni dan zihny itu bagus.

      Hapus
  11. wah, bingung mo komen apaan. Kupikir ini alamatnya mbak Ayu, ternyata bukan.
    haha. saya tersasar di mari akibat postingannya bang Ujay.
    (=..=")

    BalasHapus
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